


Little Words

by gaialux



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Pre-Series, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaialux/pseuds/gaialux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's not right, that much is clear early on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Words

**Author's Note:**

> Vaguely inspired by a queerfest prompt involving the idea of transguy!Dean, generally inspired by Dean's overtly macho act in canon.
> 
> There's a mix of pronouns in this and mentions of a suicide attempt. Could be considered triggering.

Sherealises early on that things aren't okay, but manages to ignore it. Mostly. She's not all that different than Dad or Sam, wearing Dad's hand-me-downs or whatever they manage to grab at the local thrift store. Plaid, by and large. Mixed up with too-big jackets and jeans already worn in at the knees. They give her a sense of comfort for years, allow her arms to move so she can shoot a perfect shot or throw a knife right into the bullseye.

When Dad manages to get her something pink with the latest trendy style she wears it because it makes him smile, makes him think he's done something nice for a change. "Sorry you don't have much of a chance to be a girl," he says. Dean (always  _Dean_ ) goes out and throws knives until the burning in her chest goes away. Sometimes it never does.

 

* * *

 

Life gets worse.

Sam tells her ( _her?_ ) that things get worse before they get better. Dean tells Sam to bite her, adds that he should get his haircut because  _he's_ the girl of the family. Sam doesn't make a retort, just stares at Dean until she gets uncomfortable and turns on the small, grainy TV curtosey of the motel. _  
_

Sam keeps staring.

 

* * *

 

She (no, _he_ , that's all that goes through Dean's mind when  _he_ thinks about  _himself_ ) gives up when she's fourteen.

After shaving all of her hair off and realising those girly facial features are never going to change (they look _worse_ , more prominant), Dean takes a length of rope and sees what happens.

In the end? Nothing. It snaps.

Sam comes home a few hours later, huge grin on his face and showing Dean an A+ he recieved in class. Dean stops crying long enough to cleanse her face from the tear tracks and slaps Sam's back. "Awesome job, Sam."

"What happened to  _Sammy_?" he asks.

Dean doesn't try to kill herself again.

 

* * *

 

At sixteen Dean's Dean.  _He_ ,  _him_ ,  _his_. Pronouns he's written all over an old school notebook and grins like a lunatic when things are going well. Dad still doesn't know, not exactly. He asks once or twice about the short hair, but Dean shrugs and says he's trying to counteract Sam's girly locks. No more questions, and even the  _she's_ seem to disappear into the background. Dean's just Dean.

All of it finally cements the day he's arrested for shoplifting Sam's favourite lunch. Sent away to a  _boy's_ home, and John says nothing when he finds out. He knows, Dean decides, and it's a mixture of horror and delight that twists in his gut and keeps him up the whole night. When he meets Robin, when he  _kisses_ Robin, it feels as though all the missing pieces have finally fallen into place.

He finally feels like he can be alright.

 

* * *

 

"I'm a guy," are the words that come three weeks later when he and Sam are playing video games in a rented house.

"Yeah, and?" Sam manages to beat Dean when the controller falls from Dean's hands. He turns from where he's lying on the ground and there's a huge grin on his face. Within another second his face twists. "What? Don't be a sore loser, dude."

When Dean's mouth starts working again all he can get out is, "I'm...not."

"What's with the weird look?"

 _Yeah, and?_ Sam doesn't...care? Dean figured his brother had caught on quickly, at least by the time Dad did, but he'd never said anything. Never let on. Just called Dean  _Dean_ and went from there.

"No reason," Dean says, voice strange and tight. He clears his throat, deepens it like he'd learnt to do a long time ago. "I'll beat your ass this time."

The smile on Sam's face might be knowing, the little smirk on his lips meaning more than he's letting in, but Dean chooses to overlook it. Instead, he just accepts that Sam accepts. It's enough, it's more than he could ever ask for.

"I'd like to see you try."


End file.
